While your processing, hurting & healing, they are feeling relief¶

While you are processing grief and missing them, the avoidant is most likely feeling relief -- they mentally broke up before the breakup happened.

Key points¶

Avoidants cope by numbing and distraction, not by leaning into loss; they feel the hard part was making the decision to end it.
In their mind the relationship ended before it officially did, so they have already processed and moved on to relief from pressure and emotional intensity.
That does not mean you never cross their mind, but their dominant state is relief, not longing.
Your healing matters not because it determines their return, but because staying stuck chasing is not sustainable.