Therapist explains: do THIS to regain LOVE from AVOIDANT

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01tLk9YxtOA

The speaker, a therapist, claims an avoidant partner who seems to have "fallen out of love" usually still loves you but has buried it under fear and negativity; he offers five "repair" steps to help both partners rekindle it.

Key points

• Frames the issue as helping the avoidant realize their love after they pull away, not as the love being gone. Says chaotic, non-harmonious dynamics are where avoidants are most likely to feel they suddenly fell out of love.
• Apologize: Both partners should show they can apologize; do not refuse just because you feel you always have to be the one to change. A healthy avoidant will learn to apologize too, even if you go first.
• Trust: Be more trusting (and as the avoidant, more trustworthy). Blowing up their phone with "who are you with" hits the avoidant's wound (am I not good enough, why don't you trust me) and makes them pull away.
• Independence vs leaning in: Aim for interdependence. The non-avoidant partner should lean out (friends, work, studies); the avoidant should lean in (ask about their day, be more affectionate, open up). Being independent is "the avoidant's language."
• Forgiveness: Let go of the past and forgive each other. Claims attachment issues are not your fault (childhood, upbringing, risk/protective factors), and that secure people forgive more easily, get into relationships faster, and have the longest-lasting ones.
• Learn from each other: Admitting your way is not the only way. An avoidant wanting to wait on marriage until there is trust may have a point (less conflict is healthy); an anxious partner valuing affection is also right.