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THIS means an AVOIDANT LOVES YOU

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R3pTS7xIbU

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidant partners suppress love rather than lack it, and lists 13 subtle, often unconscious behaviors that she says signal an avoidant loves you.

Key points

  • Avoidants feel love at the same pace as everyone but suppress it; signs leak out "in the cracks," and partners often lose hope by missing them.
  • Sharing day-to-day stressors: opening up about stress (the thing that usually makes them detach) signals trust; comes out flat, random, low-emotion, sometimes effortful and awkward.
  • Less triggered by old triggers (e.g. agreeing to a trip they once refused): a sign of healing. She warns NOT to poke or pry, as that breaks the openness and they close off.
  • More affectionate after time apart (e.g. a work trip): she claims the affection comes less from distance than from the partner reacting in an open, accepting way, which builds trust. Says she has never seen this without the avoidant being in love.
  • Keeping/treasuring gifts: avoidants control their space, so keeping a given item (candle, shirt) is indirect, "safe" love. Example: an atheist man fighting siblings for his late religious mother's Bible and keeping it.
  • Stating what they want from you: blunt boundaries ("stop asking me multiple times, I'll get it done") invite conflict they normally avoid; risking it means they value the relationship.
  • Sharing light-hearted parts of their life (e.g. texting plans to watch golf): inviting you into their world and reassuring you.
  • Working to resolve an argument instead of fleeing: she claims seeing a partner hurt/disappointed pains avoidants most; staying to listen signals love.
  • Admitting it hurts to see you cry or be disappointed: she says clients often cite this around when they realize they love someone; you can ask them directly.
  • Reassuring more automatically (e.g. "it's not a touchy subject, yes that's fine" unprompted) to make the partner feel safe.
  • Less annoyed/irritated by behaviors (like being nudged to "heal") that used to bother them; honesty about it signals investment.
  • Teaching you a skill or sharing a hobby (finance, cooking, lending a book): sharing their world, which avoidants rarely do even with family; possible precursor to moving in together.
  • Making your life easier through action: airport pickups, morning coffee, going to the dealership.
  • Sharing their stuff/food (a streaming account, a bite of dinner): giving up control over guarded possessions; small-seeming but vulnerable for them.
  • Frames these as significant because avoidants invest in few people, often have few friends, and typically grew up neglected.