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Avoidants Will Secretly Obsess Over You If You Do THIS

Channel: Chris Seiter
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nQ00vj5iiU

Drawing on an interview with a woman named Tida (whose avoidant exes all reportedly came back), Seiter lays out a three-step "blueprint" for making avoidants obsess over you, centered on genuinely letting go rather than chasing.

Key points

  • Step 1: Energetically detach and prioritize yourself. He invokes the sunk cost fallacy -- people stay stuck chasing an avoidant because of all they have already invested. Tida says it worked the moment she "went off the grid"; the avoidant "snapped back like a rubber band."
  • He ties this to the "phantom ex": once you are unavailable and out of contact, the avoidant idealizes you and longs for you.
  • Step 2: Rebuild your life and embrace personal transformation. He presents his secure (green) vs avoidant (gray) "collision" model, where the dance turns a secure partner anxious. Tida's turnaround was purely self-focused -- she lost 30 pounds and her career "skyrocketed" -- not aimed at the ex.
  • Step 3: Cultivate secure detachment and complete release. Tida says if a man wants to go, "he's not mine"; a relationship is a two-way street. Genuine non-clinging confidence is what makes someone immune to a partner pulling away.
  • He stays skeptical of Tida's "energy" framing but concedes avoidants seem to sense anxiety (which repels them) and are drawn to projected secure confidence. He stresses what an avoidant says they want is not necessarily what they want.

Reception

  • Many viewers endorsed the core message -- let go, go no contact, focus on yourself -- and reported it brought relief and motivation.
  • Strong skepticism about the payoff: several noted that even when avoidants return, they pull away again, so "what's the point?"; one called the premise "all false."
  • Common irony noted by commenters: to make them want you, you have to genuinely stop wanting them; "pretending to let go" will not work.
  • Several called avoidants narcissistic and urged people to walk away for good rather than chase reconciliation.
  • A few shared their own "they came back when my energy shifted" experiences.