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Space is about them and their control of their nervous system

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UW1Rg81Duk

When an avoidant asks for space it is not about anything you did wrong -- it is about them regaining control of a nervous system that gets overwhelmed by closeness itself.

Key points

  • Closeness, availability, and consistency make an avoidant feel exposed; exposure equals unsafe, so they go quiet to regulate, not to punish.
  • They do still miss you and think about you; they just cannot hold those feelings while also feeling overwhelmed.
  • When they return after distance it is because the space made them feel safe again, not because anything was resolved.
  • The real question is not why they need space but why they collapse every time intimacy deepens -- and whether you want a relationship that works that way.