It's not a waiting game, it's an intimacy game¶

When an avoidant says "I'm not ready," it is not about time -- it is about their fear of emotional exposure and intimacy.

Key points¶

Emotional unavailability: they cannot sit with their own emotions, let alone a partner's.
Fear of intimacy: they want connection but feel exposed when closeness becomes real.
Control on their terms: they seek closeness only when they control the pace, timing, and depth.
The real issue is not a waiting game but an intimacy game -- the question is whether you are willing to play only by their rules or walk away.