Stop Doing This for Avoidants (It Ruins Attraction)

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O9xD5crfEQ

The speaker, a therapist, lists seven behaviors that she claims erode attraction and connection in relationships with avoidant partners.

Key points

• Parenting them. Reminding them of appointments/deadlines, doing job applications for them, etc. Said to echo a controlling, suffocating childhood and trigger their need for independence; she claims it can lead them to shut down on intimacy or stay out late.
• Nagging more than you clearly communicate. Repeating reminders signals fear of rejection. Instead state what you want and why, vulnerably (example: ask for help with the trash by naming the feeling and the reason). She claims this makes the partner more attracted "almost immediately."
• Making excuses about their lack of effort/maturity/followthrough. Fearful-avoidant and anxious-preoccupied types skew negative. View the partner logically (weigh real positives and negatives) rather than excusing or catastrophizing.
• Believing a mistake ("crashing out," overreacting) destroyed the relationship. Fixating and overcorrecting (pulling away, forcing calm) reads as inauthentic and on-edge, leaving the partner unable to read you; she says to forgive yourself and move on.
• Oversharing in the dating stage. Heavy disclosures (parent's addiction, abandonment) too early can be too much; be vulnerable selectively and mind how you share. Anything goes once married.
• Sacrificing time on your physical self for the relationship. Neglecting grooming/appearance signals you do not value yourself, which she frames as the unattractive part (not the appearance itself).
• Playing games to get them to step up. Avoidants read game-playing as insecurity, poor communication, neediness, or fear of rejection. Note: she claims avoidants "test" partners to see if they will be allowed to be themselves, not to gauge whether they are cared for.