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these STRATEGIES make AVOIDANT open to DEEP LOVE

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Dwm84f9hcg

The speaker, a therapist, claims that respecting three kinds of "space" is what lets avoidant partners build trust and open up to deeper love, because feeling accepted at a distance signals they will be accepted up close.

Key points

  • Framing: avoidants need space to feel accepted and build trust; the avoidant partner must still voice their needs, since a partner cannot read their mind. Anger or retreating usually signals an unmet need or crossed boundary to explore.

Emotional space

  • Avoidants need breaks from both their own and their partner's emotions; they lack the bandwidth to process both at once.
  • The avoidant should name it ("rough day, I need time to decompress, I'm just watching TV") so the partner does not read distance as rejection.
  • The partner should self-process distress first and judge whether it's the right moment to share, especially right after the avoidant's bad day.
  • Secure and anxious people bring feelings to a partner readily; avoidants do not. Fights push avoidants away rather than closer, so fewer fights via emotional space helps.
  • Claims the emotional gap between partners naturally shrinks as trust grows, even for avoidant and secure couples.

Intimate / physical-affection space

  • Avoidants can feel suffocated by continuous physical affection (touchy anxious partners), even though they often liked it early on.
  • Example: anxious mother clinging to a dismissive-avoidant daughter who shuts down rather than voice discomfort; better to hug briefly then pivot to how the daughter connects (deep talk about work, finances, documentaries).
  • Example: anxious girlfriend wanting an immediate hug from a boyfriend back from work; let him decompress first, then invite closeness and ask for the hug.
  • On bedroom intimacy: avoidants often have lower frequency; pressure makes it more daunting. Suggests gently trying it (compares to "behavior activation" used with depression, e.g. "just do one dish") since avoidants often find they enjoyed the connection.

Physical space (frequency of contact)

  • Many avoidants cannot meet as often as a partner wants; they need time for decompression and hobbies.
  • Time apart is a trust-building test: do you still answer texts, show up in an emergency, respect their space. Pressuring after a bad day reads as disrespect and pushes them away.
  • Respecting frequency tends to increase it over time (once a week becomes twice). Cites typical cadences: secure 3-4x/week, anxious daily, avoidant ~once a week (or every 2 weeks / monthly if long distance).
  • Closing claim: space builds trust, consistency, and respect; both partners must compromise and adjust (says there is research on this, none cited). Not a one-sided effort, and not a reason to stay with someone who is not doing the work.

Note: the title oversells "strategies"; the content is general advice on respecting space, not a step-by-step method.