They say it's over...but it's really "I can't handle this right now" let's get into it

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HBi2G0o4Pw

You cannot logic or convince an avoidant back after a breakup -- the paradox is that the only way to win them back is to genuinely let go and stop trying.

Key points

• When an avoidant says it is over they mean it in the moment, even if their behavior is inconsistent; they need to pull all the way away to regain a sense of control.
• Every plea of "can we talk?" reinforces their belief that closeness costs them their peace, so pursuing them makes it worse.
• Genuine detachment -- not performed letting go -- signals safety to their nervous system; that is the moment they start to miss you.
• Distance and space are the only conditions in which an avoidant can actually feel love; winning them back means winning your own peace first.