Skip to content

They numb out now to regulate their nervous system, and once they feel more balanced, then they

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Svpj-h_ghQ

Avoidants feel the breakup later and harder than their partner does -- the numbness, distractions, and rationalization that looked like "fine" are just a postponed reckoning.

Key points

  • After a breakup, the avoidant's nervous system goes into self-protection: they numb out, rationalize, and tell themselves it wasn't that deep rather than processing in real time.
  • Once no one needs anything from them and the conflict is gone, the pain hits -- along with loss, regret, and eventually curiosity that drives them to reach out.
  • Returning with curiosity is not the same as returning with accountability; missing you does not mean repair, and awareness does not mean they have changed.
  • You should not build your life around someone else's emotional delay schedule -- if they come back it should be because they did the work, not because the numbness wore off.