They don't come back because they're ready

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_jP2YI-Kjc

Avoidants come back when it feels safe -- not because they are ready, but to test whether the door is still open and whether you will still make it easy.

Key points

• They return with curiosity, not readiness: they want to know if the version of them that left is still welcome, not whether they have become who you deserve.
• The timing typically costs you more than them -- right when you have finally made peace and done the inner work they never did.
• The real question is not why they come back but what you will do when they do; you do not owe them access just because they finally showed up.
• If you respond, keep it light, keep it open, and prioritize yourself -- genuine accountability is what to look for, not just their reappearance.