if an AVOIDANT says THIS to you, you are the ONE

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pX1IZXNIp8

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidants (usually dismissive or fearful-leaning-dismissive) never state commitment directly, but certain specific phrases reveal that you are the partner they have chosen and are likely to keep.

Key points

• Avoidants are modeled in childhood to be hyper-independent and to not care how others perceive them; caring how you view them is itself a form of needing you, so it signals you matter.
• These phrases are not gender-specific but are specific to avoidant attachment; avoidants do not waste time or effort on people who do not matter to them.

The phrases that signal you are "the one"

• "What can I do so you don't think that way about me?" - instead of clearly saying "how can I earn your trust," they fixate on your perception of them. Example: accused of cheating (when innocent), some avoidants overcorrect, offering to show their phone or delete Instagram, because your low opinion of them genuinely hurts and they lack practice handling the feeling.
• "What can I do to make you understand? I hear you" - often said in frustration to an anxious partner; they care but lack the tools in the moment. The speaker advises telling them exactly what response you want, and they will do it for you.
• "I don't like when you do that, it frustrates me" - an avoidant who voices a complaint rather than withdrawing or cutting you off is trusting you to meet their needs; opening up this way is a healing skill, and it means you have earned their trust.
• "I'm not mad, don't worry about it / we're good, let's move on" - reassurance that smooths over a conflict; the speaker says avoidants who are open to you say this and mean it.