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Why Women Don't Want the Man Who Wants Them

Channel: PsycheDepth
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rz-unAt4k4

The speaker argues that women devalue commitment given too easily because the human brain assigns worth based on scarcity, effort, and investment. He claims men should make women invest effort to "earn" their commitment, which (per the video) creates relationships women fight to protect.

Key points

  • The speaker's core claim: women do not value what comes easy, not out of cruelty but because the brain ties value to scarcity, effort, and investment.
  • He describes a pattern where a man commits fast (deleting apps, planning trips, making it official within weeks) and the woman loses interest soon after.
  • "Cruel paradox" framing: the more effort you put into getting her, the less effort she puts into keeping you; more availability lowers perceived value.
  • Analogy: a man you had to win over becomes the "expensive purchase" she displays and maintains; a man who gave everything freely becomes the "free sample" she discards.
  • Traditional model claimed: women gatekeep sex, men gatekeep commitment, creating balance. He says men stopped gatekeeping commitment, breaking that balance.
  • "Pot committed" (poker) idea: a woman who invested time and emotion to win you has skin in the game and rarely leaves; one who received you freely has nothing to lose.
  • Placebo analogy: expensive placebos relieve pain more than cheap ones; he claims women similarly assign more relationship worth to a man who was costly to obtain.
  • "Catch and release" (fishing): be selective, let her know being caught does not guarantee being kept, creating uncertainty so she wonders whether you want her.
  • Swimming-instructor analogy: women who earn commitment become active participants; those given it freely become passive recipients who do not appreciate it.
  • Attention economy claim: most men give attention abundantly and treat hers as scarce; he advises reversing this so she works to earn his attention.
  • Investment-banker framing: treat commitment, time, and exclusivity as emotional capital to invest strategically, requiring women to demonstrate value first.
  • Whoever chases cannot simultaneously be leaving; the person being chased holds the power, so men should remain "the prize" rather than the pursuer.
  • He frames making women work as a "quality control" filter: women unwilling to invest reveal they only wanted validation, and their departure avoids future disasters.
  • Claim that women who invested defend their choice (criticizing you would mean criticizing their own judgment), making them more supportive and patient.
  • Opportunity-cost claim: immediate commitment signals you settled; showing you have options and choosing her makes her feel chosen, raising her perceived value.
  • Self-perception claim: women who earned your interest see themselves as prizes and act accordingly; those you "settled for" act like consolation choices.

Implementation advice given

  • Become genuinely selective; build real scarcity through hobbies, interests, and social connections rather than faking it.
  • Practice emotional independence: enjoy female attention without becoming addicted or desperate to keep it.
  • Set clear standards and maintain boundaries; women who cannot meet them are framed as "successful filtering," not losses.
  • Stated goal is mutual investment and shared value creation, not games or manipulation, choosing someone who has repeatedly proven she values you.

Reception

  • Generally receptive but with a strong vein of cynicism. The top comment urges patience, arguing most relationship trouble comes from choosing poorly and that red flags are apparent early if you are willing to see them.
  • A skeptical theme holds that none of it ultimately matters because it all comes down to her mood swings, and that many men (themselves included) now refuse to give commitment at all.
  • Some flag the framing as overstated: a few say "many women want the man that wants them," and one woman commenter argues secure, healthy women do not chase aloof or inconsistent men and want consistent interest. Others reply that the video is about the majority, not absolutes.
  • Several commenters say the only move with narcissistic or "Karen" women is to leave them, with side requests for a dedicated video on the topic.
  • A few appreciate the animations, while one dismisses the series as toxic.