Skip to content

It's been a year and they haven't reached out

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au6XGcwO61A

How to win back an avoidant ex after a year apart: the speaker claims avoidants suppress rather than move on, and that the only way back is by becoming a genuinely healed version of yourself.

Key points

  • Avoidants do not move on, they suppress; they do not process, they postpone.
  • They file an ex under "too much, too intense, too emotional, too close."
  • Counterintuitively, the more distance there is, the safer an avoidant feels.
  • After a year, what changes is not their feelings but their fear, which has lowered.
  • When the fear quiets, regret starts to surface.
  • Not everyone gets another chance, but one is possible.
  • You cannot beg, chase, or reopen the wound to prove it has healed.
  • You win them back by becoming the version of yourself that has actually healed and can now handle yourself better than they could.
  • Make them feel safe by being safe in your own skin.
  • Show up like someone who does not need them but could love them again if they are ready.
  • If they are not ready, you do not need to try again; knowing you could have is the closure and the power.