Skip to content

THIS means an AVOIDANT is FALLING in LOVE with YOU...

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bs7tSvTag7Y

The speaker, a therapist who works mostly with avoidant clients, lists the indirect ways avoidants (dismissive and fearful) show love, so partners can recognize they are loved even when it does not register as conventional affection.

Key points

  • Teaching and guiding you (more dismissive): sharing knowledge, research, or wisdom (even about things you don't care about) is opening up with low risk of direct rejection.
  • Private affection (more fearful): tender or affectionate behind closed doors but reserved in public, out of embarrassment and fear that a public rejection would be more painful and memorable, not because they're ashamed of you.
  • Respecting your boundaries and autonomy (more dismissive): they value independence themselves, so giving it to you is them giving you something they love.
  • Listening and being present (more fearful): present, off the phone; dismissive avoidants opening up may instead become talkative and dominate the conversation, also a sign of love.
  • Protectiveness (both): physical and practical care, e.g. keeping you on the inside of the sidewalk, telling you to wear a jacket; meant as protection, not control.
  • Acts of service over grand gestures (both): fixing things, packing snacks, oil changes, rides; mirrors how they showed love to family (often giving parents money or time rather than emotional expression).
  • Consistency and reliability (both): showing up, following through, fast texting, not canceling once past the first year or two.
  • Loyalty (more dismissive): deep, unwavering, often natural from early on.
  • Sacrificing comfort (both): giving up alone or wind-down time for you; recognizing it makes them feel loved.
  • Doing what you ask (both, deeper in the relationship, usually past year 2-3): once they trust you, giving more attention or physical affection when you flag a disconnect, to show commitment.
  • Showing negative feelings without withdrawing (more fearful): staying moody but still affectionate and present rather than retreating, which the speaker frames as more secure behavior.
  • Relaxing or coping alongside you in silence (more fearful): treating you as part of their comfort rather than something to cope away from.