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why avoidants offer friendship when they want a breakup

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu39Yl2LuzA

When an avoidant offers friendship after a breakup, it is not about wanting closeness - it is a buffer that keeps you near without requiring the vulnerability of a real relationship.

Key points

  • "Let's be friends" soothes their fear of abandonment while eliminating the emotional risk of intimacy.
  • You hear connection and possibility; they mean distance disguised as kindness.
  • They are not ready for intimacy but also not ready to lose you entirely, so friendship is the middle ground that works for them.
  • Friendship with an avoidant ex typically hurts the partner who still wants more; a clear boundary is the healthier move.