These 6 THINGS Turn Almost Every Avoidant Secure in a Relationship... ?<3?

Channel: Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1OjBRi6Lfg

Argues a dismissive avoidant only becomes secure through their own inner work plus a partner's outer work -- not by "just dating a secure person." Lists five inner-work tasks for the avoidant and six relationship behaviors for the partner.

Key points

• Pushes back on the book "Attached" for advising insecure types to date secure people. The speaker says the subconscious (which she puts at 95-97 percent of behavior) chases the familiar, so a truly avoidant person tends to push secure partners away. With ~50 percent of people secure and most coupled by their late 20s/30s, the available pool is small.
• Doing only the outer work yourself, or having the avoidant "fake secure," leads to codependency. The speaker recommends a vetting process with a deadline: if the needle only moves on one side, leave.
• Inner work (avoidant's job): (1) nervous-system regulation via breathwork, meditation, walks/yoga to discharge fight-or-flight energy; (2) practicing vulnerability so they learn to co-regulate instead of always taking space; (3) healing core wounds (defective, unsafe/weak to be vulnerable, will be trapped); (4) communicating needs rather than only setting blunt boundaries (saying no is not the same as stating a need); (5) learning to truly self-soothe rather than self-numb (TV, alcohol).
• Outer work (partner's job): (1) consistency, leading to (2) emotional safety and harmony; (3) warmth and thoughtfulness; (4) acceptance/nonjudgment (still communicate needs, just kindly -- acceptance is not people-pleasing); (5) supportiveness, often via acts of service; (6) honoring the avoidant's freedom by co-creating requests rather than issuing ultimatums.