First, I want to say, going no contact is the best way forward¶

Four rules for staying in contact with an avoidant without pushing them further away, for those who are not going no contact.

Key points¶

Match their energy and take 10% off: if they send one short text, send one short text back; never exceed their frequency or intensity.
Keep conversations light and build positive associations -- memes and casual updates build more trust than going deep too soon.
Follow a cadence: one reach-out from them earns one from you; two from them earns one from you.
Stop treating every interaction as a test; low pressure and naturalness make the connection feel safer for both people.