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Therapist explains: doing THIS makes AVOIDANTS text MORE during DATING

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7sAjgtZukk

The speaker (a therapist) claims avoidants fall into two texting types and that being direct about a small, specific expectation early in dating helps you connect without letting the avoidant set all the terms.

Key points

  • Speaker says she works with insecure-attachment couples and individuals; this covers dismissive avoidants and dismissive-leaning fearful avoidants while dating.
  • Type 1 (prompt but dry): texts multiple times a day, replies quickly, but stays short (one or two sentences) and not vulnerable; she views this type as closer to healing or more comfortable with the dynamic.
  • Type 2 (expressive but infrequent): needs more space, may text only every couple days, but is more open and emotional when they do engage.
  • For Type 1, daily texting is fine and expected; she suggests directly asking for a simple recurring contact, such as a "good morning" text each day (good night may be too much early on). Avoidants respond better when you are direct.
  • For Type 2, give them more time, reassure them when they open up, and once rapport builds, ask them to share a bit about their day or week rather than demanding daily contact.
  • Core claim: avoidants are insecure-attachment and "not healthy," so they should not run the show; you both meet in the middle. The partner is often not secure either, so gently prompt, and pull back if the avoidant resists, to push both out of their comfort zone.
  • Anecdote: couples who started with a daily good-morning text are still together 3-4 years later (not moved in, since avoidants resist moving in quickly).
  • Speaker stresses this is not a one-size-fits-all approach.