5 Tests EVERY Avoidant Uses Before Catching Feelings ???

Channel: Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFJZyHHYzLk

Told through one client's story ("Luke"), five mostly unconscious "tests" the speaker says dismissive avoidants run on a partner before letting themselves fall in love.

Key points

• The five tests: (1) How fast is this person moving and how much pressure are they applying? -- read as how demanding they will be. (2) Are they okay with me having space, and will they honor my independence? (3) Will they be volatile in conflict? -- watching how the person handles disagreements, restaurants, exes, family. (4) Will they judge me? -- watching whether they gossip about or criticize others, since that signals they will not accept the avoidant either. (5) Are they warm and supportive? -- warmth they lacked in childhood signals someone safe to eventually lower their guard with.
• The speaker stresses these are usually not premeditated; the client only recognized the pattern (e.g. taking his foot off the gas to see how someone reacts) on reflection in session.
• On test 4, the client said he stays open to a partner raising a need or asking him to work on something "as long as it is said in a nice way" and not made to feel bad -- delivery is what makes him shut down or stay open.
• Closing point: this is not about walking on eggshells. The speaker says you must still communicate your needs and take up space, deliver them kindly (positive framing), and grade on progress (a need met 80-90 percent of the time with grace) rather than holding a perfect standard.