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THIS means FEMALE AVOIDANT is CHANGING and healing

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWHoJVmeNaw

The speaker, a therapist and former avoidant, lists the signs she saw in herself and her clients that a female avoidant (usually dismissive-leaning) is genuinely changing and healing.

Key points

  • Caveat: she changed by hitting rock bottom, but says that is not required; her avoidant male partner changed just by healing through the relationship.
  • She recognizes and names her own avoidant attachment. Many female avoidants do not know they are avoidant because of a subconscious belief that women are anxious, not avoidant, so they deflect feedback as pressure or unreasonable demands.
  • She apologizes and backs it with action and visible improvement, not just words.
  • She voices appreciation, saying she is grateful you are in her life and that you make it easier. The speaker claims feeling that a partner adds value makes an avoidant less likely to run.
  • More relaxed and less rigid in the bedroom (a common trigger for avoidants of both sexes, who get in their head once emotionally attached).
  • More comfortable and willing with physical intimacy (hugging, kissing), which can otherwise feel suffocating.
  • She admits she wants to change, connect more, and lean in; her view of love as weakness, risk, or burden starts to fade.
  • Watch small details over the big picture: incremental closeness counts even if milestones like marriage are slow.
  • She sets boundaries with friends, work, and others. Speaker says female avoidants (more often fearful) over-prioritize strangers/friends/boss because they fear those people's disappointment, while taking the secure partner for granted; choosing the partner over an unwanted outing is a healing sign.
  • She recognizes where the attachment wound came from. Speaker argues avoidant upbringing (suppress emotion, toughen up) is more culturally expected of boys, so a female avoidant likely had trauma or an avoidant parent; understanding the origin helps her accept she is avoidant.