Signs Avoidant Feels Truly Seen and Accepted

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2OKg6V_aM

The speaker, a therapist, lists eight behavioral signs that an avoidant partner (fearful or dismissive, male or female) feels truly seen and accepted in the relationship.

Key points

• Honest with you even when you might be upset - Most important, especially for fearful avoidants, who otherwise avoid honesty to dodge their fears of abandonment and suffocation. Dismissive avoidants are blunt by default, so this sign is less telling for them.
• Answer messages more quickly - They prioritize you, overthink your messages less, and may talk on the phone longer or open up more.
• Send more random messages throughout the day - More common with dismissive avoidants (e.g. a photo of a new purchase, a video tour of their apartment).
• Become less triggered by things that used to set them off. Speaker's observation: triggered male avoidants tend to react with anger or detachment (sometimes yelling), while female avoidants more often shut down and give short responses.
• Start meeting your needs more - Feeling accepted lowers their guard, so they hear requests as genuine rather than as control or criticism, and act on them. Example given: a dismissive-avoidant partner who withdraws on weekends starts engaging more once the anxious partner gives space and stops reacting.
• Share their insecurities - More common with fearful avoidants (female fearful avoidants take longer to reach this than male).
• Share excitement (promotions, presentations) - More common with dismissive avoidants.
• Tell you they appreciate you.