please stop... AVOIDANTS will NEVER respect YOU if you do this¶

The speaker claims avoidants equate respect with love, and four common behaviors erode that respect, especially when done with manipulative intent.

Key points¶

For avoidants, respect is more important than the feeling of love; respect is earned and upkept, and is how they show love. The speaker frames love as built over time ("compassionate love") versus passionate love.
Punishing instead of communicating. Pulling away or "matching energy" (recast tit-for-tat) to make a partner realize they hurt you reads as disrespect. Backing off to genuinely respect their need for space is fine; intention is what matters.
Ultimatums. Avoidants tend to read "my way or the highway" as pressure or manipulation and are more likely to leave than fight for you, often concluding "I'm a burden." Only give one if you will follow through; empty ultimatums lose their respect.
Over-expressing feelings to provoke feelings back. Negotiating is okay, but emotionally heavy pleas ("I love you, I don't want you to leave me") to pressure a response feel manipulative.
Investing in the idea of love over the process. Fixating on the end result (wedding, being adored, family) reads as inauthentic; avoidants value the process of building trust, autonomy, and a shared life. They may feel "you could get that with anyone," so someone else could give it instead.