when AVOIDANT knows you are DIFFERENT (in a good way!)

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrLu-2V0OIw

The speaker (a therapist) claims avoidants behave differently when they genuinely love and respect a partner, and lists five behavioral tells drawn from her patients and her formerly-avoidant partner.

Key points

• Taking accountability. They admit mistakes and apologize, sometimes without being prompted. Hard for avoidants because it means accepting they need others and were raised to be self-sufficient; they do it to avoid hurting or losing the partner.
• Small steps toward commitment. Affection, accountability, being together in public, doing couple things. Progress is gradual but consistent and does not slide backwards; struggling avoidants show more back-and-forth.
• Your feelings and how you view them matter. Example: a partner stressed and short at work, when called out, immediately apologizes and changes rather than denying or deflecting, because they do not want to be seen as someone who dismisses your feelings.
• They ask your perspective before deciding. Signals respect and that they no longer see themselves as a "one-man show"; the speaker says female avoidants do this more often.
• They do things they swore they never would. They give up part of an old identity (e.g. never marrying, never falling in love) to make the partner happy. Claimed to hit harder for male avoidants because, per the speaker, men tie self-worth to usefulness and identity; avoidants risk this only when confident the person will stay.