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They always come back, are you ready? #avoidantattachmentstyle #theyalwayscomeback #avoidant

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icq-iK81l7c

Four steps for handling it when an avoidant comes back, because they always do -- and your power lies in evaluating them, not in chasing or reflexively rejecting them.

Key points

  • Slow down: no immediate emotional intimacy; if they are serious they will stay consistent over time -- if not, they will fade again.
  • Acknowledge the gap: name the disappearance directly ("you disappeared, that matters") and make clear you cannot move forward without addressing it.
  • Watch actions, not words: "I missed you, I've changed" means nothing without consistent behavior to back it up.
  • Decide based on your standards, not your feelings: feelings lie and last 20 minutes; ask whether they actually grew or whether you are just relieved they came back.
  • Avoidants often return not because they are ready but because their nervous system calmed and curiosity got the better of them.