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Stop Giving Women What They Don't Need (You'll Get Laid)

Channel: Dan Bacon
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF-zhNmEUDY

TL;DR: Bacon claims men sabotage themselves by giving women "extra niceness" they neither need nor want, which signals low value and leads to the friendzone. He argues the fix is to trigger attraction instead, including making the woman feel she needs to impress you.

Key points

  • Core claim: many men give women "extra niceness" they don't need to feel attraction, so they get seen as a friend and feel no spark.
  • Bacon says women want something easier and nearly effortless: to feel attracted, not to receive excessive nice treatment.
  • Attractive women already get extra-nice treatment via the "halo effect" (people assume good traits based on appearance), so it is not what makes them want a man.
  • He claims unearned extra niceness makes a woman view the man as beneath her, as if he is putting her on a pedestal.

Examples of "extra niceness" to avoid

  • Asking excessive caretaking questions: "Is this place okay?" "Are you having a good time?" "Is it too loud in here?"
  • Overvalidating boring stories by nodding and saying "Wow, that's so interesting" when it isn't.
  • Apologizing for existing ("Sorry to bother you" energy or body language).
  • Over-explaining and apologizing for a delayed text reply, even when she takes days to respond.

Why it backfires (his claims)

  • It reads as either naive (treating her as fragile glass) or as sucking up.
  • She interprets it as the man not knowing how to make women want him, and as having no other options, so he seems lower value, desperate, and needy.
  • The man puts in more effort than others yet gets less, while less-nice guys succeed.
  • Being a good citizen / good person is, he argues, a separate thing from attracting women.
  • He frames continued niceness as a "crusade" that keeps producing rejection.

What he says works instead

  • Trigger attraction actively rather than expecting it to be earned through niceness.
  • Make her feel she needs to impress you, flipping the dynamic women normally use on men; he says this makes her want you more, not see you as a bad man.
  • Stop faking interest in boring content; when you are not needy you naturally won't be amazed, and she will sense it from your body language.
  • Optionally tease playfully, e.g. fake a yawn and say "You tell the most boring stories, girl" or "You've lost a few points with me there, girl."
  • You can reply to texts whenever you want; if she is attracted she will wait.
  • Being nice is fine when paired with confidence, flirting, and other attraction triggers; the problem is niceness used to compensate.

Bacon's background and program claims

  • Says he was a "typical nice guy" who struggled even after getting a better office job and wearing a suit.
  • Claims he then learned attraction must be triggered, after which women wanted him; he dated for 10+ years before settling down.

  • Asserts attraction is "fundamental, primal, ancient," works the same worldwide and on all women, and that he teaches it in his "master attraction community."

  • Closing claim: extra niceness wastes time and energy, feels bad for both people, and the real goal is simply to make her feel attracted to you.

Reception

  • Mostly receptive, with commenters crediting the logic and authenticity of the message and saying they have dropped other dating advice in favor of it.
  • Recurring theme: childhood conditioning to be polite and respectful is blamed for the over-niceness, with several asking how to tell good manners apart from attraction-killing behavior.
  • One standout comment describes a long-term partner literally telling him to "make me want you more," and how the video reframed his sense of over-giving and growing bitter.
  • Several report success after adding banter and flirting and cutting "simp" replies, one estimating he is now nice only 20% of the time.
  • A note of caution from one commenter: being extra nice gets you friendzoned by good women but exploited by bad ones.
  • A couple raise tangents, e.g. the difference between giving up and letting go, and one observes the trait reads as an old red flag from the woman's side.