Do Avoidants Even Fall in Love? ???

Channel: Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj5akQ94n_0

Yes, avoidants fall in love, but the speaker argues the depth of love is capped by how much vulnerability a person brings, and that deeper love is built over time by doing the work to become secure.

Key points

• The speaker shares her own history as a fearful avoidant: she could love "the idea" of someone but shielded her vulnerability, hid insecurities, and withheld needs, which capped how deeply she could love. Depth of love went hand in hand with how much she let people in.
• Dismissive-avoidant clients reportedly said that, as they became more vulnerable through the work, their feelings ran deeper; before, they were connecting to a superficial or idealized version of a person.
• Distinguishes infatuation/limerence (instant, butterflies, "love at first sight") from love, which is built over time and moves from conditional toward unconditional.
• Frames the six stages of relationships: dating, honeymoon, power struggle, stability, commitment, bliss. The power struggle stage is where most relationships end; you exit it by consistently communicating feelings, needs, and boundaries so partners learn each other -- a two-way street.
• Both fearful and dismissive avoidants tend to cycle through dating-honeymoon-power-struggle and end relationships there if they cannot open up. Becoming secure (learning to communicate through challenges) is what deepens the roots toward unconditional love.