Avoidants when they tell on themselves¶

When an avoidant says "you deserve better," they mean they cannot be what you need -- not now, possibly not ever.

Key points¶

"You deserve better" is avoidant people-pleasing wrapped in shame: they believe letting you go is the noble act.
Closeness feels like suffocation and love feels like pressure to an avoidant; their nervous system treats intimacy as danger.
They convinced themselves the kind thing was to release you rather than admit they lacked the capacity to stay.