Skip to content

What Am I Doing Wrong With Women? (It's One Simple Mistake Most Guys Make)

Channel: Dan Bacon
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L31WCNS1kho

The speaker claims most men fail with women by being one of two types, the "passive man" or the "pick me man," and that the fix is for the man to confidently take the active role and move interactions forward himself.

Key points

  • The passive man: has value (good job, fit, well dressed, nice car) and expects that value alone should attract women, so he does nothing to make something happen.
  • Claims women are not "wired" to pursue; cites the brain region for sexual pursuit being 2.5x larger in males, and that women given testosterone (e.g. in bodybuilding) masturbate/want sex more but also become more masculine.
  • Argues women almost never take the next step for a man (exceptions: unattractive women, or a "gold digger" with a very successful man); even an attracted woman waits for him to move things forward, partly because sex is easy for women to get so she wants proof of genuine interest.
  • Fix for the passive man: take the active role and move things forward, which is how guys with little money or status still get girlfriends.
  • The pick me man: gives off an energy of hoping to be chosen; ranges from obvious desperation (scanning a mall/bar hoping to be noticed) to subtly "auditioning" to impress a woman.
  • Example: a silence in conversation. The pick me man panics that he has ruined his chances; a man secure in his value stays relaxed, which reads as higher value and attracts the woman. Claims emotional weakness (fidgeting, rushing to fill silence) turns women off; emotional strength attracts.
  • Says women are often nervous, shy, or anxious too (more than men), so awkward or flat responses do not mean no chance; men should stay confident and not give up at the first sign of awkwardness.
  • Claims women often hide interest so they don't open up to a man who doesn't actually like them; they want to see he has the masculinity/confidence to keep moving things forward.
  • Closing claim: most women are far easier to get with than men assume; the man is often "one step away," but women won't say so and are waiting for him to take the natural male role.
  • Claims are the speaker's assertions; the only "study" referenced (brain region size, testosterone effects) is cited without sources.

Reception

  • Largely agreeing, with several commenters saying the "passive man" described them exactly and recognizing missed opportunities they did not act on.
  • The top comment reframes age excuses ("too old, too young") as really being too passive, echoed by Bacon urging men to man up.
  • Multiple report acting on it, e.g. a 37-year-old who asked a woman out and got a date, and others crediting the shift from waiting to pursuing.
  • A standout vivid comment describes years spent leaning on a nightclub wall stirring ice cubes, hoping to be chosen, now seen as foolish.
  • A few raise the flip side: a couple of men say when a woman is overly forward they get suspicious and back off, treating it as weird or a possible scam.
  • Some ask for follow-ups, e.g. how to move things forward after attracting a woman, and whether sexual tension with an ex can be reignited.