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why AVOIDANTS dont COMPLIMENT you

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBWHwQmcF58

A therapist's claim that avoidants withholding compliments does not mean they are not attracted to you, and a list of reasons (mostly dismissive, some fearful) why they stay verbally quiet.

Key points

  • Not complimenting you does not mean they are not attracted; there are specific reasons behind it.
  • Actions over words (dismissive): they show love through consistency, loyalty, and silent sacrifices, and expect you to read that instead of needing verbal praise.
  • Fear of discomfort (fearful): they worry compliments will make you uncomfortable or lead to rejection; fearful avoidants take compliments badly themselves and assume others do too.
  • Avoiding flattery (dismissive): they fear frequent compliments will sound insincere or manipulative, so withhold them even when genuine.
  • Feelings should be understood (dismissive): they think "you should already know I'm attracted, why else would I do X," dislike redundancy, and feel verbal affirmation implies their actions were not good enough.
  • No felt value in compliments: raised with little praise and held to high standards, so they do not grasp what compliments offer; said to be more common in male avoidants, partly because men get fewer compliments.
  • Compliments seen as superficial (dismissive): they view praising looks/charm as inauthentic since you cannot control them, and prefer praising work ethic, character, or values.
  • Suggested fix: ask directly ("could you compliment me more," "do you think I'm attractive"), and frame it as your own preference rather than their failure.