How to Know Your Avoidant will Heal and Change

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5HFxv2jhR4

The speaker claims some avoidants change and some do not, and that you can usually tell within the first 6 months to a year by watching for six behavioral markers.

Key points

• Applies mainly to dismissive avoidants and dismissive-leaning fearful avoidants. Claims fearful avoidants are more willing to change but need more of a push (more trauma, sometimes PTSD/complex PTSD, so more incentive but harder processing); dismissive avoidants change slower and more gradually.
• Change, when it happens, tends to occur within the relationship. Speaker says she was formerly avoidant herself and her partner changed slowly but consistently.

Two contrasting case studies (her examples, not real cases)

• Man in his 60s: divorced (wife initiated), did not fight for the relationship, never voiced his feelings, never told his ex he loved her, blamed her for the marriage, no behavioral change, then 17 years with no romantic or physical connection. Presented as the non-changing type.
• Man in his early 40s: upfront from the start that he did not want a relationship, but stayed; over about six years slowly got more comfortable with commitment and intimacy, took accountability, communicated his needs (e.g. asking for patience, not to be messaged constantly). Presented as the changing type.

Six signs an avoidant is changing

• Communication style: more direct rather than indirect.
• Expresses feelings more openly, even if still rigid.
• Shows visible progress over time.
• Takes accountability instead of blaming the partner.
• Voices feelings from the partner's side too.
• Admits they themselves have changed (awareness of their own capacity to change signals confidence).

Note: framed as therapist insight from attachment theory; no studies cited. Speaker stresses these are hypothetical examples, not a general guide.