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What Men Need To Understand About Women

Channel: John Griffin (Life 2.0)
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POn6XYu5wQg

The "one key" to understanding women, he argues, is that the guy-to-guy loyalty men assume comes with a marriage vow is not in women's nature; they bond out of self-interest, so men should not expect a partner who stays "no matter what."

Key points

  • Men bring a male model of loyalty to marriage - the unconditional "I've got your back" bond he had with his boyhood best friend Mike - and wrongly assume their wife shares the same understanding of the vows.
  • He frames this as women's nature, not behavior: "you can't be angry at your dog for barking." Women connect with a man because they believe it is in their own best interest to do so.
  • The wedding vow is only half-honored, in his telling: women stay for richer and in health and good times, but tend to bail when a man becomes poor, sick, or down and out.
  • From his own 22-year marriage: he believed he had a new best friend; instead the marriage was in bad shape for a decade and his ex left once the money was gone (he notes had she left earlier she could have taken alimony of 70-80k/year).
  • Feeling betrayed is natural but a "waste of energy," since it is just their nature. Long-term marriage requires an emotionally mature partner who sees the long game; an immature one bails when things get tough or boring.
  • Nobody teaches men about female nature growing up, while women learn all about men, who are simple and predictable by comparison.
  • Closing analogy: men are dogs (stick with you to the end), women are cats (fine when you're near, indifferent when you're not). If you want unconditional loyalty, keep your old male friends; lower your expectations of a wife and you won't be shocked.

Reception

  • Strong agreement and an outpouring of personal divorce and illness stories; the room treats "women have no loyalty" as a hard-won truth and thanks him for naming it.
  • Several commenters relate health collapses where a wife distanced or left once they stopped producing income - one became wheelchair-bound and got divorce papers, another had spinal surgery his wife skipped, concluding "women don't have your back."
  • Recurring aphorisms capture the mood: "Men are in love, women are in business," "A man will sacrifice his happiness for the family; a woman will sacrifice the family for her happiness," and the cat-vs-dog death analogy.
  • A divorce lawyer commenter (1.2k likes) vouches for it: "No lies told... I have seen hundreds of cases where wife plans her exit as soon as husband loses his job."
  • A highly liked story passes down a father's 1977 advice that men are loyal and most women are not - now read as describing hypergamy and "monkey branching" decades early.
  • Light pushback: a few argue human nature is not destiny ("God gave us a mind and freedom of choice") and that some women are exceptions.