THIS Makes Avoidant Open to Loving You

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRkSNYIFfRY

The speaker, a therapist, lists seven partner behaviors she claims make an avoidant lower their guard and open up to love.

Key points

• Allow them to be themselves. Appreciate who they are now while still expecting change over time. Supporting their freedom (e.g. letting them play pool even if you feel jealous) lowers their walls and makes them more willing to meet small requests in return.
• Show genuine interest in details, not flaws. Ask curious questions about things they briefly mentioned (old hobbies, past pets) rather than pointing out their anxiety, depression, or weaknesses, which feels suffocating early on.
• Respect their boundaries and limits. Giving space and alone time without pressure to change builds trust. If a partner constantly fights the avoidant for their space, the avoidant will choose space over the relationship and may leave.
• Avoid oversharing early. Anxious-avoidant pairs bond fast because each is drawn to the trait they lack, but oversharing connects "wound to wound" and leads to crash-and-burn breakups. A measured, slow pace of emotional sharing builds genuine connection; an avoidant with past anxious-partner trauma may read oversharing as a red flag or hidden agenda.
• Be consistent regardless of their behavior. Do not pull away because they pull away, do not play games, and do not let a bad day make you drop off or lash out. Consistency registers in the avoidant's mind as safety.
• Keep their secrets. Never weaponize what they disclose (e.g. throwing "you're distant like your dad" at them in a fight) or share it with friends who label it a red flag.
• Accept responsibility for your share of disagreements. Owning your mistakes makes them feel safer to love you.