The 3 month rule is a rule for a reason

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq4mKCYYJbc

Avoidants do not change around the two-to-three month mark -- their early enthusiasm was never the real baseline, and increased intimacy simply triggers their attachment system.

Key points

• Early stages run on dopamine, novelty, and distance; the nervous system feels safe because nothing is truly close yet.
• Around months two or three, more texting, more time together, and talk of the future register to the avoidant as pressure, not progress.
• What looks like losing interest or getting bored is actually the avoidant attachment system activating -- effort drops and energy pulls back.
• The partner did not become less; the relationship became more real, and avoidants struggle precisely when things deepen.