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THIS means AVOIDANT wants YOU to REACH OUT

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REDcvg91Vl0

The speaker (a therapist) claims that less-healed avoidants drop indirect signals because they subconsciously want you to reach out first, being too afraid of rejection to do it themselves.

Key points

  • Caveat: this describes avoidants who are early in their healing journey (low self-awareness, not tied to age). More healed avoidants take their space and reach out themselves when ready; the signs below do not apply to them.
  • The underlying motive in every case is claimed to be the same: they still care but fear disturbing you, reopening wounds, or being rejected, so they hint instead of asking directly.
  • Watching your stories/posts religiously, often as the first viewer, going back to old posts, without interacting directly.
  • Liking or commenting on your posts (including old ones), sometimes with an inside joke, familiar emoji, or light compliment, to test whether you still respond emotionally.
  • Posting something specific to you: a shared song lyric, a meme, or lines like "you don't realize how much you love somebody until they're gone" or "do you still think about me." Speaker says patients admit doing this in therapy.
  • Showing up in your spaces: reconnecting with mutual friends, or frequenting places you went (one patient admitted visiting her grocery store to "remember her"). More common with fearful avoidants.
  • Reaching out vaguely or out of the blue ("How's it been?", "What was that restaurant we went to?") to open a low-pressure channel; more common with dismissive avoidants and can read as cold.
  • Posting or sharing nostalgia and memories tied directly to you ("this reminds me of you").
  • Mutual friends telling you the ex has been asking about you or saying they want to reconnect.