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Truly, avoidants mourn you, but only when they feel you're out of reach

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2WpIwMCY8o

Avoidants mourn the relationship in silence, but only once they feel you are far enough away to be out of reach -- and when they reappear, they test whether you will let them back in without making them face what they did.

Key points

  • Avoidants avoid you not because they are over you but because being truly seen by you terrifies them; you saw behind the armor.
  • They vanish without closure or honesty, then return acting like nothing happened -- joking, reminiscing, asking how you have been.
  • What they are really testing: did you forget how much they hurt you, and can you love them again without holding them accountable?
  • It is okay to miss them without letting them back in; it is not your job to make their return easy or to bypass the growth conversation.