if AVOIDANT ASKS these QUESTIONS, they LOVE you

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIYf7T0M6ss

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidant people do love and that their curiosity-driven questions signal that love; she lists specific question types and what each supposedly reveals.

Key points

• Premise: avoidants feel bonds strongly; when they love, they get curious and ask questions to understand you, check you are okay, and rebuild security.
• Questions about your parents (early, as love begins): e.g. "Is that something your mom used to do?", "How was your parents' marriage?" They probe how your parents handled conflict to gauge your view of conflict and relationships. Example: if you say your mom withheld dinner when dad came home late and you call that unfair, the avoidant infers you will be accommodating, not passive-aggressive or punishing (relevant since many avoidants work a lot).
• "Did you enjoy yourself? Did you like that?" (in love): direct, tangible check on whether they made you happy, including after dates or sex; they log it to repeat or adjust ("What can I do next time?"). She insists avoidants do this once they heal and open up, despite skeptics.
• "Are you happy? Do I make you happy?": part self-check on whether they have the tools to commit/stay/marry; framed as them double-checking like the student who is last to submit a test from triple-checking, and who usually scores well.
• "Did you make it home safe? Are you okay?" (especially dismissive avoidant): safety-oriented; their feelings are tied to your well-being, and your safe arrival lets them rest.
• "Are you upset at me? Did I upset you?" (specific to dismissive avoidant, not fearful): dismissive avoidants usually do not care about upsetting people except their partner; asking this invites criticism they dislike because they would rather fix what bothers you than protect their own wounds. Fearful avoidants may ask similar questions of bosses/coworkers out of performance anxiety, unrelated to love.