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The 5 Secrets To Make Avoidants Fall In Love (They Will Chase You)

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-TDgajJ5vc

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidants bond differently from other attachment styles and lists five things that build love with them: side-by-side connection, emotional safety, built-in space, acknowledgement, and adding to their knowledge base.

Key points

  • Contrast: anxious-preoccupied people bond with safety plus words matched by action (saying "I'll pick you up at 5" and doing it). That matters for avoidants too, but the five below matter more.
  • Side-by-side bonding. Avoidants connect through shared activity rather than face-to-face intensity: walking and talking through the day, solving a problem together as a team, grilling and splitting the prep. Feels safe and comforting even if it doesn't feel romantic.
  • Emotional safety. Avoidants want to feel they are enough and that mistakes are safe. Thank them for honesty (honesty is real effort for many avoidants), and listen before reacting when they say something you don't want to hear.
  • Built-in space. If space is part of the relationship by default, the avoidant has less reason to pull away to get it. Have days apart, see each other less often than a secure couple might, and take occasional solo trips (a few days, not abandonment) to build trust in independence; reconnect afterward by sharing the trip side-by-side.
  • Acknowledgement. Acknowledge their efforts, especially efforts that don't register as effort to you. Also ask for acknowledgement back (e.g. for managing your own anxiety during their trip); this builds reciprocity and helps break their negative thoughts.
  • Add to their knowledge base. Teaching an avoidant something new, even in an area they already know well, makes them feel you are tangibly worth investing in. Speaker's example: her finance-industry partner deepened her stock knowledge while she added to his real estate knowledge.