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The timeline of their return is not the same as your timeline for healing

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA8anPSoaZo

How long before an avoidant comes back depends heavily on their subtype and the relationship length -- fearful avoidants return faster, dismissive avoidants on a much longer delay.

Key points

  • Fearful avoidants feel everything intensely; after an intense short relationship they may circle back within weeks to a month as panic and missing you set in fast.
  • Dismissive avoidants feel relief first and feel it for longer -- space and independence stabilize them, so they suppress, distract, and numb, convincing themselves they are fine.
  • For dismissive avoidants after a long-term relationship, the return cycle can be 3 to 8 months or up to a year; a memory, a photo, or noticing you have moved on triggers the delayed wave.
  • The longer the relationship, the longer any avoidant takes to return -- deeper attachments take longer to metabolize, and silence now does not mean indifference; it often means suppression.