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Why You Should Make Her Wait

Channel: Gentle Path Forward
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQxbWUs7cLU

A therapist argues that men who over-give and let a new partner set the pace out of fear of losing her erode both their own wellbeing and her respect; pacing a relationship at your own natural speed and setting early boundaries is healthier and vets out entitled partners.

Key points

  • The problem she sees on consultation calls: men afraid to stand up for what they want because they fear making her mad, losing her, or triggering a maladaptive reaction to a normal boundary. Often tied to bad past experiences with women plus critical/distant parents.
  • It is fine to make a woman wait for certain things - not to play games, but to take your own time deciding. Giving everything immediately (at your own expense) breeds entitlement; if she responds badly to a reasonable boundary, that itself shows she is not worth further investment.
  • Pace naturally. Set the pace for you, not just her (or together as a team if you trust her). Letting her dictate timing and intensity a month in, bending entirely to her, creates imbalance, resentment, and eventual distance that gets blamed on you. Setting boundaries early earns respect; someone who won't respect them likely never will.
  • Keep your full life. Sacrificing your life, hobbies, and friends for her gives her more access and, if she has maladaptive tendencies, more room to project onto you. Even a well-meaning partner may read your later return to normal ("Are you getting distant? Do you not like me anymore?") as rejection when it is just you being yourself. Being real up front vets out the abnormal ones; women who care do adjust.
  • Build anticipation through quality, not constant availability. Thoughtful conversations and plans take energy; you can't produce them daily on top of a job and rest. A natural delay, then a good plan, is better for both - not manipulation. This lets you feel like a leader (framed as men's typical natural role) and lets her trust you'll show up when ready, building more trust than people realize.
  • Healthy pacing signals interest, not weakness. Caving to pressure comes from fear she'll leave or speak badly of you - and if you fear that, question whether she's the right partner. Flip the question: not just "Does she like me?" but first "Do I like her? Is she worth my investment?"
  • Boundaries can change. People avoid setting them thinking they must be permanent. They can adjust over time (e.g. no texts after 9pm because you wake early may loosen once you live together or have kids). They're yours to set, adjust, and remove.
  • She frames some women's unrealistic "whirlwind romance" expectations as media-driven (references dating shows she thinks have "island" in the name - i.e. Love Island / Love Is Blind), noting real long-term love does not work that way. She stresses this is not one-size-fits-all, just patterns from recent calls.

Reception

  • Small comment volume (59) and broadly positive; several viewers call it one of her best videos and note it applies to everyone, not just men.
  • Recurring praise for her therapist style: a top comment (11 likes) says "this is how a good therapist talks" - no absolutes, thoughtful talking points that let the client reach their own conclusions.
  • Anxiously-attached men resonated: a 33-year-old (21 likes) describes obsessive people-pleasing, needing the last word, then being ghosted, and says he's now in therapy learning his triggers.
  • Strong agreement with the boundaries/walk-away theme, sometimes pushed harder than the video (a long high-engagement comment argues you must always be willing to end it, that women test your stability, and firmness weeds out entitled partners). One commenter says he was called a "narcissist" for waiting but it revealed her true character.
  • A running side-thread identifies the mystery show as Love Island (also Love Is Blind, Temptation Island, Pop the Balloon), agreeing such shows distort relationship expectations.
  • A few solo/single men chime in half-jokingly that the advice is moot since they have no partner ("I'd make her wait but she don't exist").