Learn This Before Dating Another Woman¶

Channel: Dan Bacon
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3YASiLRBjU

The speaker shares five "secrets" he claims help men feel confident around attractive women instead of assuming they have no chance. His central argument is that attraction can be triggered through behavior, not just looks.

Key points¶

Secret 1: Most pretty women have appearance insecurities

He claims most guys assume a pretty woman thinks she is a perfect "10" and knows all men want her.
His claim: almost all pretty women are insecure about something (nose, hips, butt, teeth, etc.) and wish they looked like another woman they idolize.
Example given: some women always smile with closed mouths in Instagram photos because they dislike how their teeth or facial structure looks.
He says men feel inferior over their own looks but the woman is feeling insecure too; she compares herself to other women in a room and rarely feels like the prettiest there.
Caveat he adds: a minority of pretty women genuinely have no such insecurities. He bases the claim on his stated experience "being with a lot of pretty women, a lot of models."
Takeaway he offers: stop seeing pretty women as "emotionally bulletproof."

Secret 2: Pretty women don't all have the same taste in men

Personal story: at an office job around age 23-25 he wanted a stunning coworker but only acted nice and feared rejection; a scruffy, nerdy, introverted new guy who believed he had a chance arranged to meet her outside work and they ended up in a relationship.
He claims men wrongly assume pretty women only want tall, handsome, ripped, extroverted men with great lifestyles.
His claim: many women are introverts, suffer anxiety, and experience shyness more than men do.
A woman acting awkward or quiet may be shy/anxious rather than uninterested; afterward she may regret not saying more.
Exception he notes: if a man approaches nervously and insecurely, she will close up because she doesn't want an insecure guy. The point only applies if the man is confident and easygoing.

Secret 3: "Handsome" is often the result of other attraction

His claim: women call boyfriends handsome whom other men rate as average, because attraction was triggered by non-physical things.
"Other attraction" he lists: emotional connection, confidence, humor, and knowing how to flirt and keep a sexual vibe alive.
He says a better-looking man who can't create that vibe is boring to her; the man who can creates a spark, so she accepts his physical "flaws."
Celebrity example: a man called "hottest man alive" looks average, but women find him attractive due to status.
He cites "mate choice copying" studies: women shown men's faces raised their attractiveness ratings after being told other women rated the man higher; the effect held even when rating a man's hand.
He also cites studies that men were rated as physically more attractive when behaving confidently and less attractive when behaving insecurely.
His realization: he could make women more attracted through interaction, after which they began liking his looks too.

Secret 4: Playfully challenging a woman triggers attraction fast

He claims most men play it safe and never playfully challenge a woman, fearing they'll ruin their chance.
His claim: playful challenging works, makes women feel a spark, and avoids the friend zone; constant niceness signals she has higher value and is doing him a favor.
It works, he says, because it signals you are not desperate (willing to risk "playfully pushing her away") and because women like a man who makes them laugh.
Examples (woman growing tomatoes): "Okay, farmer girl"; "What are you cooking me for dinner when I come to visit?"; "You're not growing some of that funny green stuff, are you?"; "Let me see your fingernails."
He claims women do not react negatively to this when it's delivered playfully; if she doesn't play along, she looks socially awkward.
On "traditional" women: he advises treating her like a traditional woman in a playful, easygoing way rather than seriously demanding it. He claims independent, successful women have "behaved like a traditional woman" around men who did this.
He says playfulness lets a man "get away with" lines that would otherwise get a bad reaction.

Secret 5: Confidence comes from competence

Core principle he states: confidence around women comes from actually feeling competent at triggering attraction.
He claims men who don't know how just hope to "get lucky" or expect sex/love/devotion in return for being nice and giving things.
In relationships: good sex (which he says is "pretty easy to get right," especially initially) can mislead men into thinking it will work; if other behaviors turn her off, it heads for a breakup.
When meeting women: not knowing how to trigger attraction leads to rejection and friend-zoning ("I see you as a friend," etc.).
His conclusion: triggering attraction is learnable; the more ways you know, the more competent and therefore confident you become.

Reception¶

Sentiment is largely appreciative, with commenters thanking the speaker and reporting that playful challenging made conversations "flow so easily" once they tried it.
A large share of discussion centered on eye contact: a commenter asked whether looking away first signals insecurity, and the speaker's reply (that confident, non-needy men can break eye contact fine, but beginners should practice holding it) drew the most engagement.
Several agreed strongly with the "shy/anxious women" point, adding that cold-approach advice usually ignores how nervous the woman may also feel.
Some shared the difficulty of executing the advice, citing emotional wounds, approach nerves, or trouble feeling "competent" even when the techniques work.
One commenter pushed an alternate framing (focus on competence over confidence, nervousness while still acting can be attractive), invoking Mystery's confidence-vs-competence line.
One emotionally heavy comment recounted the suicide of a strikingly beautiful partner, tying it to the video's point that even very attractive women carry deep insecurities.