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THIS means AVOIDANT wants to CHANGE for YOU

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVRuOAwNUE8

The speaker, a therapist, lists the signs that an avoidant partner (dismissive or fearful) genuinely wants to change for you, themselves, and the relationship.

Key points

  • They accept responsibility without excuses or blaming you ("you're right, I do avoid commitment"); the partner can set conditions for security, but the avoidant has to do the actual changing.
  • They ask you to clarify what you want and listen without defensiveness, seeking to understand your feelings, boundaries, and expectations rather than arguing or calling you too sensitive.
  • They are patient and do not pressure you to acknowledge their progress or "get over it"; respecting your pace shows real change. Note: an avoidant who does pressure you may still be changing, just earlier in the journey.
  • Their behavior changes broadly, not just in the relationship: calmer, less performative, shifting habits and lifestyle, more openness to therapy. The speaker says this is what they observe in healing clients.
  • They show up consistently: keep promises, communicate regularly, check in, building trust brick by brick rather than with grand gestures (which the speaker views as band-aids).
  • They do inner work on emotional awareness and control, reflecting on why things bother you; change driven by introspection is more sustainable than change driven by fear of losing you.
  • They respect your need for reassurance and give you the tools to trust them (e.g. tolerating repeated check-ins after they stop canceling on you).