The first break up leaves you processing: what just happened? Where are they now? What did I do? All

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj3f6AsjYBA

The avoidant breakup happens twice: once when they leave (which their partner experiences in real time) and again weeks or months later when the avoidant finally stops running from their own feelings.

Key points

• When an avoidant ends things, they have already internally processed the breakup -- their partner is left in shock while the avoidant initially feels relief.
• Post-breakup, avoidants suppress grief through work, gym, friends, and distractions, so they appear fine or even relaxed to outsiders.
• Eventually those distractions stop working; the suppressed feelings surface, triggering the avoidant's own "second breakup" -- which is when the breadcrumb reappearance typically follows.