Skip to content

AVOIDANTS respond EMOTIONALLY to people who do THIS

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRe_6MsTPfA

The speaker, a therapist, claims avoidant individuals open up and emotionally invest when a partner shows specific behaviors that signal acceptance and safety; these are framed as traits to build in yourself, not manipulation tactics.

Key points

  • Avoidants believe ongoing arguing means a relationship is unhealthy. "Agree to disagree" tells them their way is okay, reassures them they will not be picked on or forced to change, and reads to them as what love should look like.
  • They respond to self-awareness. When a partner owns their own faults ("I am aware I do that and I'm working on it"), the avoidant feels heard and that the relationship is theirs too, which prompts them to model the same behavior.
  • Apologizing matters because it shows the avoidant they are not always the one who has to change; getting an apology signals the relationship is safe and models that they can apologize too. Claim: most insecurely attached people struggle with apologies.
  • Preferring peace over volatility: let small annoyances slide rather than picking at them, while still holding partners accountable for bigger issues. Comparison to anxious healing: meet them in the middle, do not withdraw all reassurance.
  • Allow small mistakes without reprimanding or name-calling (do not label a partner detached or uncaring over a missed text); reprimanding pushes avoidants away.
  • Trust them once trust is earned (e.g. checking a long-term partner's phone with no cause is excessive), but still guard your heart.

Note: invokes "fundamental research" that most small relationship issues never get resolved without affecting the outcome, but cites no specific study.