Want More From Someone? DO NOT Chase; Do THIS Instead!¶

When you want someone, the instinct to invest more and drop everything else backfires; double down on the rest of your life instead.

Key points¶

Trying harder does not make someone want you more; feeling you try harder can make them pull away or feel in control.
Mark Manson story: David Mustaine (Megadeth, 25M albums) stayed miserable comparing himself to Metallica, while Pete Best (kicked out of the Beatles) was happy because he valued different things. Happiness comes from valuing the right things.
"Legs under the table" metaphor: confidence is a tabletop held up by the parts of your life (friends, family, hobbies, purpose); meet someone with those legs already strong.
"FU confidence" (like FU money): enough sources of meaning that you can say no to anyone who treats you badly or under-invests, however attractive or high-status.
Real confidence is the ability to say no to things you do want when they are not right for you.
Do not let someone's looks, money, or status diminish the value of your own life; come to them as an equal.
Invest in yourself (Warren Buffett: the best investment is in yourself); people come and go, but you stay with you.