Avoidants often circle back after discard not because they've changed but because distance feels

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_2FQlc6VHo

Avoidants reach out after discarding you not because they have changed, but because delayed grief and loneliness eventually break through their defenses.

Key points

• They do not process grief in real time; the loss hits days, weeks, or months later when emotions they avoided finally surface.
• Nostalgia or a reminder of you can prompt a low-risk "breadcrumb" contact (e.g., "hey, how are you?") to test whether the door is still open.
• Loneliness and fading distractions amplify the silence until the absence becomes louder than the avoidance.
• At the point of discard they were overwhelmed and regulated by cutting off; once the dust settles, the loss sets in and they may circle back.