when the AVOIDANT is UNSURE about YOU

Channel: Guided Awareness
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fT6A74H1kow

The speaker, a therapist, lists four behaviors that signal an avoidant partner is still undecided about you, and stresses that being unsure is not necessarily permanent or about your worth.

Key points

• Avoidants often act unsure even when they are not, so the signs below matter; their apprehension may stem from attachment issues or unrelated reasons (distance, feelings not there yet).
• Reaches out only on their own terms (worst sign): they respond when you initiate, but only contact you when it is convenient or when they need something from you (e.g. silent for three weeks, then calls for a car ride). Framed as disrespectful and not relationship-building.
• Avoids promises or plans: gives neutral non-answers like "we'll see" or "let's play it by ear" to avoid leading you on; means not now, not a firm no.
• Asks thoughtful, probing questions (leaning toward wanting you): strategically tests compatibility and values without showing urgency, often about finances (how you manage money, payday routine). Anecdote: a dismissive-avoidant patient, paranoid about being taken advantage of, asked a kind new partner to count out a large amount of cash to see if she would steal any; she did not, and that reassured him.
• Maintains their routine: staying unsure means no drastic schedule or lifestyle changes; they wait until much more sure before making relationship-driven changes.
• Re-evaluate if someone stays unsure for years with no progress; take it as a good sign if they grow more sure over time. Their uncertainty does not define your worth, and not every avoidant will react the same way.