Avoidants aren't broken

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC0pdeRjcDg

Avoidants can grow, but only when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing -- and that shift must come from within, not from a partner.

Key points

• The internal threshold: if losing you hurts less than the effort of changing, they will not heal; if it hurts more, they will reach for it.
• You cannot facilitate or force this change; the avoidant has to decide it is worth it on their own timeline.
• Until that moment arrives, patterns will repeat regardless of how much effort the partner puts in.