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This Is What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant Or Your Ex

Channel: Corrina
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHd0OhbAouE

The speaker argues that chasing an avoidant partner or an ex is itself a form of avoidance, and that stopping the chase forces you to feel and heal the underlying beliefs while often prompting the other person to turn back.

Key points

  • Chasing stems from a belief that "I have to prove I'm good enough to be loved" and a fear that not acting will cause loss.
  • Filling the space when someone pulls back misses the chance to break the pattern and to feel and heal what is really driving it.
  • The alternative is to sit with the discomfort longer than usual and act from "I am enough" rather than from anxiety.
  • Anxiety in these situations is often a valid signal that needs are not being met or the other person is inconsistent, not just a personal flaw.
  • Reframe: chasing is your own avoidance of difficult feelings, mirroring the avoidant's avoidance.
  • This is hard and messy because old neural pathways are strong and the new pattern is weak; the speaker recommends a friend or "cheerleader" for accountability.
  • When you stop chasing, the other person often stops running, gets curious, and may re-engage -- compared to a dimmer switch where your offered "light" fades and they must sit with themselves.
  • Warning to stay strong and not relapse into explaining or messaging; she compares it to an addiction where one "cigarette" (one chasing message) can reset progress.
  • Expect anxiety to spike at first (fear of abandonment, loss, rejection) before calm and clarity set in.
  • The goal is self-love, a regulated nervous system, and healthier relationship standards -- done for yourself, not to manipulate the other person.