You can't talk someone out of their defenses

Channel: Mack Herman
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHeGK6ex6Z4

You cannot talk an avoidant out of their defenses because their withdrawal is an emotional fear response, not a logical one -- silence and space communicate more than any words can.

Key points

• Sending long messages explaining your feelings or love does not work because you are using logic to reach someone whose nervous system is ruled by fear.
• Avoidants turn around when they feel safe enough not to run, which happens through action and space, not through conversation.
• When you stop chasing, they have to sit with the silence and notice what is missing; your absence says more than your words ever could.